⚠ THIS WEBSITE IS A PARODY ⚠ FRIENDSHIP IS ASSUMED ⚠ NO TYS WERE PERMANENTLY HARMED ⚠ THIS WEBSITE IS A PARODY ⚠ FRIENDSHIP IS ASSUMED ⚠
Live, fictional data
The Ty sucks index
Our numbers are fabricated with the utmost confidence. Please do not ask a statistician.
Exhibits A through D
The evidence
Each allegation has been selected for maximum dramatic effect and minimal legal exposure.
A
The gaming record
Thousands of hours of gaming experience. Somehow still makes questionable decisions.
CONFIDENTIALB
The excuses
- “Lag.”
- “My mouse.”
- “I wasn’t warmed up.”
- “The game is broken.”
- “That absolutely hit.”
C
Questionable decisions
At this point, it’s less of a strategy and more of an experimental art form.
UNDER REVIEW
The “one more game” incident
One game became a small time-management crisis.
- 9:00 PM One more game is proposed.
- 9:47 PM An unexpected loss requires a rematch.
- 11:22 PM The phrase “actually last one” is introduced.
- 1:06 AM The investigation concludes. Ty does not.
VERDICT
unanimous
unanimous
Official finding
The case against Ty is, regrettably, hilarious.
“Ty has been reviewed by the internet, and the internet has concerns.”
01
Guilty of queueing up with no exit strategy.
02
Guilty of callouts delivered with more confidence than evidence.
03
Guilty of being a good sport for letting this site exist.
— The Completely Unbiased Department of Making Fun of Your Friends
SUBJECT’S NATURAL HABITAT*The suspect
Unfortunately, he has an online presence.
Known alias: Tydog49. All records below are public profiles and handles supplied for this very serious investigation.
*This photograph does not depict Ty. It depicts an exceptionally suspicious amount of red lighting.Evidence, in real time
Watch Ty suck live
Witness the alleged evidence as it happens. Bring snacks, emotional support, and a healthy respect for the mute button.
WATCH THE SUSPECT ↗RAGE PROBABILITY87%
“BRO, I SWEAR”EXTREMELY HIGH
CHANCE OF BLAMING LAG94%
CHANCE OF “ONE MORE”100%
All numbers are fictional and aggressively unverified.Digital records
Steaming evidence
A digital library containing hundreds of opportunities to disappoint his friends.
OPEN STEAM PROFILE ↗
- Games owned
- Too many
- Games finished
- Let’s not talk about it
- Backlog
- Classified
- Skill level
- Under investigation
Field surveillance
Visual confirmation
[REDACTED]
No normal amount of gaming is this well-lit.
Analysts have identified glowing screens, a headset, and no visible sign of a reasonable bedtime.
VISUAL EVIDENCE · UNVERIFIED
100% peer-unreviewed
The science doesn’t lie
Unless it’s this science. Then it very much might.
STUDY: THE TY SUCKS HYPOTHESIS
- Sample size
- Everyone in the Discord
- Peer review
- Absolutely not
- Funding
- Questionable
- Conclusion
- Ty sucks
Correlation between Ty playing and everyone losing
TY JOINSEVERYONE LOSES
New technology
Generate a Ty roast
Our proprietary, definitely-not-a-random-array engine has analyzed the evidence.
Certificate of authenticity
This officially certifies that
TYDOG49
has been scientifically determined to
SUCKA prestigious honor
Finally, a document for the mantel.
Official enough to frame. Unofficial enough to avoid all responsibility.
Totally real testimonials
What people are saying
Every reviewer is fictional. Their disappointment is not.
“I’ve played with Ty. Unfortunately.”— Anonymous
“10/10 would complain about lag again.”— A Concerned Teammate
“I thought I was bad at games until I met Ty.”— Totally Real Person
“One more game.”— Ty, approximately 900 times
Final statement
It’s all love, Ty.
This site is an unnecessarily elaborate internet monument to a friend. No harassment. No private information. Just memes, questionable math, and some extremely committed web design.
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